Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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