I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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