Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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