There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize