Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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