the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize