apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
why do cheetos always look like penises
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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