Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
