If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
