also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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