I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize