you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
