I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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