He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
