I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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