So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
