the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
