maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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