just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
