We won't sleep together?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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