I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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