it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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