goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
