and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
