i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It was like getting head from an anaconda
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
