i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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