I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
