At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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