Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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