I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
