Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
