I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
