why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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