I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
