Quick, to the slutcave!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
