You're so nebulous sometimes
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
