There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
