apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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