im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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