i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
