i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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