I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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