Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
