Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
