You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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