the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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