Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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