Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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