remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
