So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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