Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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