so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
