There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
