I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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