very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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