so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
