I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
