I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
