I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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